


Wretched Angel

by Eligrl77



Category: Marrissey - Fandom, Morrissey - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-08
Updated: 2015-07-08
Packaged: 2018-04-08 06:05:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4293594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eligrl77/pseuds/Eligrl77
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's 1994 and Morrissey is seeing Johnny Marr for the first time in many years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wretched Angel

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lennonbum](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lennonbum/gifts), [shocked_into_shame](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shocked_into_shame/gifts).



> This really didn't happen, so don't sue me. Dangit however I wish it did!

I don’t usually get nervous, but tonight I was. I can perform to thousands of people at any given time, but I sweat having dinner with him. The boy I use to write songs with. A boy who knocked on my door and completely changed my life from what it was. The boy who believed in me when no one did around me did. The boy I poured my words out to and he put to music.  
We only had five beautiful years together. Then everything seemed to fall apart at once. Johnny wanted to go. He had to go away from this band. It hurt so bad, I tried every way to talk him out of it. He was convinced this partnership had somehow held him back. How could he not know after all this time how much he meant to me? Was he that blind or was he afraid? I never knew and I never could ask. Do you think I wanted him anymore angry than he already was at the world?  
Somehow tonight, through some mutual friends we decided to have dinner. Just the two of us and no one else. I guess to the rest of the world, I looked as hollow as I felt. To have a successful solo career was one thing, but it wasn’t like how it was. I never could rely on anyone as much as I have Johnny. Despite my best to act like it had been the best move for my career, I was without my band, without my partner. It has been truly a dark time.  
I was so nervous before I came to this restaurant. It was like getting ready for my first date or something like that. I wonder if that is how all people feel before a date? Not like I would know really. Besides, it’s not like anyone else was going to see us anyway. I am having a night out with a friend I told myself over and over. I’ve ate with him how many times. Why should I be this nervous, this scared? I’m so inept I swear.  
Nothing prepared my nerves for him walking in. Not much had changed about him since we last saw each other. He could walk into any room and people would be drawn to him. His shoes still squeaked and he saw me and smiled. I couldn’t help but smile in return, even after everything. God, who was I kidding?  
We got the same kind of salad and drank probably way too much wine. When was the last time we did this? At first we were both tense. The legalities and messiness that was our demise came up. All Johnny could talk about was his family life, how happy he was to be out of it. I sensed a hint of his missing what was our life together. I let him talk as I always did. He liked that I listened.  
I don’t know what started it. Maybe it was a joke about some hilarious moment before we were famous. When all we had was a dream and a secondhand barrowed van. We started laughing silly. I forget the way he would laugh. He could charm a dead person. Tonight was no exception, that yes even I could still be spellbound by him after all these years.  
It seemed like one minute he arrived and the next minute, the restaurant was closing. Did four hours already really gone by? It sure hadn’t felt like that. It felt like even then it wasn’t enough to catch up on things. We were laughing about something or another. When you are friends with someone as long as I have with Johnny, there is so much unspoken that doesn’t need to be explained. It just is. There are things we can tell each other no one else would get.  
I could tell immediately Johnny had way much to drink. I’m surprised I am not also, being as nervous as I am. He was laughing harder than he ever is sober. That was a good indicator. I have to practically hold him around his waist, so he could stand without falling over. I could smell the French wine we both indulged on his breath walking out together, the warm humid air greeting us.  
I held onto him with my life as we made it back to my car. He drew a deep sigh as I helped him into the passenger side. He told me, in his own way he was sorry I wasn’t still holding him. He then went into a long monologue about his home life now that Angie had children. How neither of them had time for each other, let alone their sexual urges. He was home all the time now but it still wasn’t enough.  
How I drove us back to my flat is still a mystery to me. I was half buzzed and half aroused. Did he really just thread his long fingers through my quiff the entire ride? I felt like I had been waiting for these moments forever, without even knowing it. I was almost relieved to turn off the engine when we got to my flat. I didn’t want to hear anymore about his home life at that moment.  
My first thoughts were to be glad he was with me and not going home like this. I got him out of my car, still having to put my arm around him. He smiled wide eyed at me. He had that look in his eyes that could make a person do anything. Perhaps, that is why I let him in my house all those years ago.  
I helped him to my sofa and sat down next to him. He shuffled his body close to mine, resting his head on my shoulder. He made soft hums as he made small circles on my leg. This was truly getting painful now. My trousers sure felt it. I put my hand around his wrist, stopping him. I told him he was drunk and probably was better sleeping it off here. I would be happy to let him stay on my couch. It would be a goodwill gesture right? 

 

He told me he was more aware than I gave him credit for. I had to slightly agree, given how I’ve seen him over the years. Just before I could think of anything rational to say further, I felt a hot kissing down my neck. I thought my heart had stopped beating within me. We had never been like this before, even during the closest of times. I may have fancied him sure, but I was always a realist. He belonged to her.  
I wasn’t right how aware he was of his actions. I told him again he was drunk and probably wasn’t thinking straight. I didn’t want to have to bear the weight of his wrath if he had any doubts. Lord knows I had enough burdens of my own with him. In that moment he told me he knew what I wanted. That I should just let it happen. Tonight we would have each other the way it should’ve been done ages ago. It was a knife twisting my soul. How could I deny him? I just wasn’t sure still though. I didn’t want to second guess this.  
The look in my eyes must’ve given away my fearfulness to him. Without any hesitation on his end, he kissed me. He was light at first and then his tongue got involved. What a fantastic kisser he was. I was dazed and awestruck by it all. Was I dreaming? I was waiting to wake up when he asked if he could come to my room. I knew once we were in there, one result could most likely happen. Even I couldn’t help but smile at the mere suggestion in my hazed thoughts.  
I led him to my bedroom and there he kissed me once more, beckoning me to lie down. He began his ministrations on my neck, unbuttoning my shirt. I only could respond in moans, as I hadn’t felt this turned on in my life. Without thinking too much about it, I let my hands seep through the back of his shirt. 

He begged me to get him out of his trousers. It took all my strength to not kiss him back again as I grasped the waistband of his jeans. I could feel his hardness poking out at my undoing of them. I didn’t hesitate to finally get out of my trousers along with him. Our lips met again and I whimpered in his mouth as he caressed my hardness through my briefs. He told me to relax. He would take care of me, with a sheepish grin on his face. I didn’t know where this was going, but I loved every minute of it.  
He gave me little kisses down my chest and asked me in a small voice if I would be okay with it. I nodded without even a second thought. I felt him take my now throbbing cock into this mouth. Pleasure took over my brain as he sucked to his heart’s content. My fingers held on tightly to his raven hair. I thought at any moment I would come, enjoying the pleasure of this from all people. I couldn’t do anything but moan in response. I was almost sad when he stopped, only to come back and kiss me once more.  
He asked what I wanted to do. I asked him the same question, not being able to say much as caressed my cock in his hand. He then decided that he wanted to be inside of me. I could’ve died then. As turned on as I was, I was horribly frightened by this. I had never done such a thing with anyone. Would he know what he was doing? Would I know what to do?  
Instead of saying all those things, I told him the lube was in the drawer next to the bed. He was quick to reach for it as he kissed lower and lower down. He was kissing the inside of my thigh when his lubricated finger reached me. I told him it was weird, but I could take more of it. After a little while it became two. I grunted in response to it, especially when he curled his fingers. How the hell did he know how to do that? I was practically ravenous by the time it was three. I was worried I would be coming all too soon and I begged him to stop.  
I thank myself later for having condoms in that drawer also. Not that I ever felt I might need them, but maybe someone else would. In the darkness I could hear him undoing the wrapping and him putting the condom on himself. My breathing hitched and I told him if he had any reservations, he didn’t have to go through with it.  
Johnny hissed a shut up at me and at that moment he had sheathed himself inside me. We both cried out at the feeling of it. Finally feeling for myself his love and craving for me. He yelled how tight I was and couldn’t stop his thrusts. We kissed throughout, almost being afraid of him stopping. We were only being able to shout our names to each other. I could feel myself coming and I told him. It only gave him more energy within his thrusts.  
My name was the last word I heard before I came. I swore my vision turned white and heaven knows what else I probably yelled at him. He was in the midst of it too. He collapsed on his side, sweating and panting as much as I was. It was a long while before we said a word to each other. I felt a dull ache throughout my body, but I felt weightless. I’m sure he did too, resting around my stomach. I wasn’t sure how long this would last, but I wanted it to forever. Why the hell didn’t we think of doing this earlier? I slept with him in my arms knowing nothing would probably change yet feeling absolutely loved in a way I hadn’t and wouldn’t be again.  
So I wasn’t surprised when I woke up the next morning to find him gone. No note or word from him again. I could’ve been a lot angrier with him, but I couldn’t. All these years later, I still ponder over the things said and done that night. He knows that even in my cruelty in my dealings with the world, I still love him deeply. Whether he too will ever come to that same conclusion, I’ll never know. All I have to keep me going is that night.


End file.
